a motivationist outlook on self created self motivational motivation

I don’t know if it exists!!!!

I will get off the computer (by noon) … and clean the litter box, take out all the trash and recyclables…. and put away my stuff I got from my sister and do the few dishes.

I think that putting it out there on paper/the screen helps to make myself do it. Because ya know.. I posted a blog about it, so I have to do it now right? Doesn’t that make it more official or something?

I have been really busy since I got back from the salton sea and I can’t even think of what I have been doing? I feel like the past week and a half have felt like 2 months. I guess that’s good then?

I am going to start doing shows next year at the upstairs I really really hope. I sent out a contract for another shoot the lights out dance party and I am keeping my fingers crossed that it works out. I hope she takes the time to read the whole thing and make it happen for me.  The dance parties are always a blast to put on.

OH yea  – I am going to add sending out applications to my list of things to do today too.

This blog is very not exciting. That’s alright though. It’s more for me I think

carrots, brussel sprouts and yogurt OH MY!

Okay so I have been going to the gym regularly lately and also trying to watch what I eat. I have been trying really hard to stick to vegetables, fruit, yogurt and salads – but it’s driving me crazy!! I don’t know how many more carrots my body can ingest. I mean, I love carrots, but I feel like I can taste carrots all day long.
I have lost inches, a few pounds and gained a ton of muscle, so I know it’s working. But it’s harder than I thought. I am looking forward to spoiling myself soon and just going all out and eating something crazy. I ate a cookie the other day and it actually hurt my stomache. Very odd. I am really enjoying this self control thing and just seeing how much I can hold myself back and control my impulses/emotions/life. I am usually much more of a push-over, but I can feel a major change this past year. The first 5 months sucked so bad, but now everything seems to be clearing up. I am experiencing things that I have never in my entire life experienced and feeling emotions that I didn’t know exsisted! New emotions mind boggle me, and as soon as that happens I try to instantaeously figure them out (what they do to me) and what brought them on and identify the feeling for future reference. Kind of like a “feeling bank” where I put everything. I am usually very good when I already know a feeling to control it, but when something is new, it completely blindsides me. There have been a lot of new things lately so it’s been interesting to sort through and figure things out.
Ugh my tummy kind of hurts. Maybe all those carrots aren’t such a good idea. Is it possible to overdose on carrots?
Anyway – things are good. Just busy busy busy as usual. This week I have really lost track of time and seeing that it’s wednesday already – I don’t have much time to get things ready for my shows this weekend.
I am still motivated, optimistic and excited for the future. Grounded.

irritating morning…

So this morning was irritating. I woke up late and my roommate offered to give me a ride to work so I wouldn’t be late. That was very nice of him. However… it wasn’t exactly a smooth ride. I don’t know if he is going through stuff he doesn’t want to talk about, but I swear, I don’t think I can take any more criticism from him. It’s driving me up the wall… and I hardly even see the guy!!! It’s hard enough as it is to deal with life without someone every time you see them telling you all about how you’re messed up. Granted when he dropped me off he told me, “you’ll be fine”.. but who knows how I am supposed to take that.

I am just being a “girl” apparently and overthinking everything. Although when I am sitting here at work, without much to do – and no means to really promote (since all the music sites are blocked) – all I can really do is blog surf, listen to music from a CD or ipod, and think….and learn? I mean I do work too – I just don’t have enough stuff to keep me busy all day.
I did however, find out that my favorite band of all time, third eye blind is playing a show a little over an hour away from my town and I am really really stoked about it. I just need to find someone that wants to go now!!
Ugh. Okay I just have to listen to music and try to keep my mind from wandering all crazy.