talking to myself

October 12, 2008

AHHHHH!!!!!!!

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , — crazygina @ 2:57 pm

So – I am sitting at my apartment – looking around it. Thinking about what I should be doing today…. cleaning my room … dishes… packing for the salton sea trip.

I spent the weekend with my friend Jenn and that was a blast. It helped me to escape from reality a little bit. I fell off my rocker last night though at the bar – don’t remember the latter half of the night – but sources confirm that I was just smashed. I didn’t do anything that I should be disappointed about so that’s good.. I mean, besides actually being drunk. I shouldn’t have taken shots… that just put me over, but patron is sssssoooooo good.

Anyway – back to my reflection…. so I am pondering all these things I should be doing … and it’s just like the motivation isn’t there… I still believe that I am in a mild state of depression. That is such an odd feeling for us to have isn’t it? Some people are so willing to feel depression but less willing to feel love… it’s like – depression is more concrete. We have defined it with chemicals and science….but.. it’s a feeling. Just like love. We can’t take an emotion – like depression … and scientize it .. it doesn’t work, that’s like making a pill to fix people who are in love – crazed obsession type love. If they can give you a happy pill to “fix” your feeling – then why can’t they give you a pill to “fix” love? Emotions rule our lives…

and speaking of emotions…. I’m still not feeling many. Although I do have to say that it really was great to see Jon yesterday. I miss him a lot. This year has been rough for a lot of people and I actually felt positive to talk to him a little bit. He has been a friend for a very long time….

Back to “life”. I need to take a nap today – I feel hungover. ha. How’s that for feeling?

I always figure everything out. I always get by. I know that this won’t be any different. At least I have that in my mind. I just don’t know where to go with it.

My attention span is like that of a gnat.

Where am I going with this? Who knows. This blog is like my life. All over the place. AAHH!!!!

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1 Comment »

  1. I hear you.. isn’t it ironic that we do things in life which we know are not going to help us in any way but we still do them.. I have been drinking every night since Friday trying to escape reality for a bit myself.. trying to hang out with friends so I dont feel alone.. but what do you do when you feel alone even in the company of friends.. and what do you do when the party’s over and reality strikes you.??

    What do I do.. I work and work until I have escaped reality once again.. this time not being drunk but being buzzed in a different way.. its like you’re living but you aren’t really alive!

    Comment by the deep — October 12, 2008 @ 4:52 pm


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