talking to myself

November 25, 2008


Filed under: existence, Life, random — Tags: , , , , — crazygina @ 11:38 pm

So tonight I have been feeling somewhat inspired.

Also- the naming of my blog, “talking to myself”… I started this blog way before Stephan Jenkins wrote this INCREDIBLE song.. I suppose great minds think alike. heh:


Every moment of your life
Is a chance to get it right
Any moment you’ve been living in
You could turn it on like a light
All the weight of the years
Has got me burstin’ into tears
Standin’ here with nothin’
I stand alone inside my fears

Like an atom reveals a deeper state
Well I swear for me tonight
It’s not too late

To tell you baby
It’s you and only you and no one else
And I’ll mean it
Even when I’m talking to myself
I said maybe, it’s you and only you and no one else

How I miss Moscow
Those people really know
How to have a good time
In a mixed up state of mind
And Monotov’s Private Opera is closed
So I guess I’ll go home now
Cause there’s no wheres else to go

And I will tell you baby
It’s you and only you and no one else
And I will mean it
Even when I’m talking to myself
I said baby, it’s you and only you and no one else
You and no one else

Now I’m stuck inside a poem
And then I’m walkin by myself
In the dark, all alone
And these actors and dramatists
They won’t send me home

Well, maybe I’m like my father
Strung out on something or another
Held to a standard
We were always sinking under
And maybe I’m like my mother
She shattered cause no one loved her
Maybe I, Maybe I am like no other

And some moments are more real than the books I’ve read
And a good woman, maybe she meant what she said
Cause to feel you now ya know, it goes straight to my head

So I’ll tell you baby
It’s you and only you and no one else
And I will mean it, even when I’m talkin’ to myself
I said baby, it’s you and only you and no one else
Talkin’ to myself
Talkin’ to myself

And everything changed in a day
And I know another one on the way
And I’ll tell you
Everything changed in a day
And I know another one is on the way

Probably listening to that song, and the other new 3eb songs got me in this moood -but I wanted to write so I sent a friend a little ditty i wrote:

I think that
all we need is something to believe in.
or maybe it’s just me…
but I don’t quite know what this thing could possibly be.
Or maybe I do –
I’ll find out tomorrow…
but today won’t go away.

anyway – so I am sitting in my apartment – it’s a little chilly but I have been using the heater too much these days and I am still broke so I shouldn’t use it.

I noticed though that my concept of what to spend money on is very odd.  I don’t have a problem buying a band dinner, but then I won’t turn the heater on so I don’t have to spend money on the heating bill. Where are my priorities?! ha

My whole world is so whirly right now… I keep going back and forth with things – my concept of time and my perception of things have been freaking me out. Today – I was a little freaked out… I was in the bathroom at my work – and I was sitting on the toilet and I saw someone come into the stall next to me. I saw their shoes… their jeans… heard the door close of their stall.   I came out of my stall and there was no one else in the bathroom. No one in the stall next to me. Nothing. I went over to the door to see if maybe someone had just left and I didn’t hear the door, but the door made a lot of noise and no one was standing outside or near it or anything. So weird. I couldn’t really explain that. I swear, I saw the ladies shoes and everything. Weird. Very weird.

I am glad that I have the internet at home right now… but at the same time… I kind of liked not having it so that I wouldn’t sit here for hours. It forced me to read. Although this is better than sitting on the couch watching a movie or just zoning out.

I wonder when I zone out – what our brains are doing. It’s like I am not really thinking of anything specific, and then I have to snap out of it and I don’t even realize how long I have been “zoning”.

More oddness. There is something going on. Still.

Anyway….. I guess I am done.

I feel okay?

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