talking to myself

January 1, 2012


Filed under: Life — crazygina @ 12:14 am

I don’t get the new years thing. I wanted to get it. I hoped for something more … not so much expected… I hoped. And apparently hoping is too much. There will be no fireworks and romantic kiss. There will be no balloon dropping and warm embraces with someone you love. Nope. That is too much to ask. Too much to hope for… and in hoping for and wanting it – I am in the wrong… because then I become emotional .. and that’s no good. A gal likes romance. Not all the time, but sometimes… she does. And sometimes women get emotional. We are emotional beings. But when being emotional… it doesn’t help to be told, “cut it out you are being emotional”. I just want to have a good time. I don’t want anyone else’s past to come into my night and make me feel bad for wanting attention. I don’t know if this is a good idea. Sometimes it is a great idea.. sometimes it doesn’t really seem like it. I need to cheer up. Buck up! Be happy with myself, be happy with the year, look forward to the future (but without expectations or hope… because that just breeds disappointment)… Where do you go from there? 2012.. just a string of days – a string of moments – a string of weeks – just have to take them one day at a time… one moment at a time. I wish there was something more I could do. I wish there was something else I could do. I wish I knew what to do. All this wishing isn’t doing me any good. Maybe it is true.Maybe love is scary and love brings about things you wouldn’t normally think about. Maybe I fell in love, maybe I am falling in love, maybe I just care too much. Maybe I just hate to see someone I care about in such a negative mood…maybe I am overthinking? Maybe I just want to have a good time. All these things going around and around and around… what’s next…

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