talking to myself

December 24, 2012

feeling weak

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , — crazygina @ 12:21 pm

I feel weak. I feel like I let myself down. I feel used and manipulated. 

I know that I can’t change the past, I can only change my future. At the same time.. I know that addiction can turn people into someone they are not….without even realizing how his actions may be affecting others. I am upset at myself but… I know I shouldn’t beat myself up for giving in and driving him to the dealers house. We all have moments of weakness and it sounds like we both were having one. I plan to keep myself in check and next time I will be stronger. I will be able to say NO…and saying NO does not mean I don’t love him or care about him no matter what he says… drugs will make people say anything.

I am a smart person. I am a loving giving caring person. I need to be VERY clear with him on what my boundaries are and I need to stick to them. If refusing to take him to get drugs means he won’t be with me, then he needs to find someone who will…because I won’t do that anymore. 

I promise myself that I won’t do it ever again. No matter how much he guilts me or gets upset. I will not hold it against him now…what’s done is done. I will just know for myself and for the future. 

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