talking to myself

July 9, 2008

much too much

Filed under: Life, random, Venting — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , — crazygina @ 11:29 pm

I sometimes feel like I am too much for myself sometimes – I can see how I would be that way for someone else.

I have found that most of my really good friends – that have seen me through the worst of it all – still aren’t really that close. They all seem to still be a little distant. Or maybe that’s just me — thinking that they aren’t really what they should be at this point. Does how long you know someone really factor into the depth of the friendship? I go through stages with friends, where I will hang out with a certain group A LOT then not at all – then see them around randomly, then maybe a year later hang out with them again .. is it because there aren’t really people who can hang out with me on a consistent basis for longer than a few months? It’s possible, probably because of my ‘independence’ and anger when I feel like I need someone to lean on – even though I know we all need it. I suppose I shouldn’t take it out on other people…. but that’s probably why I have been “alone” my whole life. Eh.

Maybe I am getting all loopy because I am sweating so much and can’t really sleep since my apartment is a furnace (even at 1030 pm)…. I need to get to bed.. I have to get up early and I have a ton of stuff going on the rest of this week. Just… breathe… okay okay there we go… breathe in.. breathe out… ahhhh

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July 3, 2008

RISE AND SHINE!!

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , — crazygina @ 9:38 am

For some reason on my day off I decided to wake up at 6:00 and go to the gym…earlier than I ever wake up on a workday. I guess starting my day earlier makes it seem like I have a longer day…. and more time to get stuff done. Even though I wanted today to be a lazy day and didn’t want to do anything – now that I am up, I feel really motivated to get shit done. That will probably be better for me anyway.

I am finding lazy people more and more irritating lately.  I have a tattoo on my arm that says, “don’t even stand up if you have nothing to bring”, and it’s ringing true to me in so many ways… especially for myself.

I was depressed for about 2 months – feeling really terrible about my motivational status and lack of gumption for life. I knew that it would pass – but didn’t know when and I felt like such a bummer to other people. I am really hard on myself sometimes, I am learning how to just chill out though, at least a little bit. Sometimes I feel like if I am not hard on myself though, no one else will be, so it’s better that way. Until it drives me up a wall….or into a wall.

Another day – another blue sky and green trees to enjoy. I really hope you are finding something to enjoy today. There has to be at least one thing that made you smile today… and if not… find something. Okay if you don’t………do these work?

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