talking to myself

July 4, 2009

my friends…..

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , , , — crazygina @ 11:08 am

My friends are very very selfish.

Maybe because I am always so giving and people expect me to always be the ones reaching out. At this point – I don’t have the energy to be reaching out to anyone – I need others to reach out to me – and still…. all they do is make it about themselves. The friends who I actually care about and I would think would be there for me – hardly even ask me if I am okay – or if there is anything they can do. Maybe I just exude this attitude of not wanting help, that they don’t extend, because they feel that I have it all together or something. I don’t get it.

I just know I am pretty upset with the coldness of some people in my life – and how I have put up with it so much when I am stronger, but being in the state that I am in , I just can’t deal with it right now, and that sucks.

July 22, 2008

I hate that….

It really bothers me when people who are your “really good friends” use that against you when they are upset. I understand forgive and forget, but I really feel like I am being projected onto because of other people’s personal issues.

Anyway – I think I am going a little boy crazy lately and this is a very new thing for me. I have never really been actively distracted by men too much – but for some reason I’ve been just out and about and feeling like I could actually go on a date or two. I never date. I just don’t. I just have always kind of felt like when you met that person you’re supposed to be with – you’ll know .. and so dating around has never really appealed to me. But.. now I’m starting to think … crap! I have been single my entire life… maybe I should let myself date…? It’s the weirdest thing for me … so I guess I just have to try it out and see if I like it or not. There isn’t any other way to find out except just experiencing it I guess. Although – thinking about dating boys/men is starting to distract me. I know that I am a big flirt already so it’s just making it worse. oh geeze.

At least I am still doing what I need to do – taking care of work, and my shows. Working hard. I have two interviews next week (THANK GOODNESS) for new jobs since I lose my job in about a month.

I am antsy right now.

I took a nap in the park this afternoon and meant to only sleep for an hour but I wound up being out there for two hours…. it was actually kind of nice, but I wish now that I slept in the shade. I like being hot though. It feels good.

I went dancing again last night – I love dancing but I have to stop getting so intoxicated so that I can have more fun and not make an ass of myself or be dancing all up on people like I was last night. Not looking forward to those pictures. oh man. I asked Nick not to post them….but I doubt that he really cares.

Anyway – I better get back to work.

July 15, 2008

Who knows…..

You might be confused if….

People seem to be your friends but they’re probably using you.
People do things for you out of the goodness of their heart but then use it to make you feel guilty.
You know what you feel but others tell you that that’s not how you feel.
You are making decisions based off the good of everyone involved and are accused of being selfish and controlling.
A preacher tells you that your exsistence doesn’t matter in this world unless you truly believe every word of the bible – literally.
Communication lines between others are like strands of a spiders web….where the slightest breeze can break them.

I might be confused.

Kevin & Jason taught me one of many things in life : No one is here for you except for you.

July 11, 2008

Schmoozin’ and Boozin’

So I went to this “industry” party last night at a record studio. It was fun to get there and do the whole who’s who. To walk around giving everyone the head nod, the “HEY!!!!” and the subtle eye contact. Most people I knew, but there were a few I had the opportunity to meet and network with.
There was an open bar at the studio. Free beer…. free wine… and after everyone had left and it was just me and two of the bands, the owner, and maybe a few stragglers, they busted out the patron. THAT I could have done without.
I went to bed around 4 and woke up at 7. I am at work right now. Reeeeaaalllly loopy. Not sure loopy is the right word for it. HA! I just found out that my plans tonight are cancelled and oh man I have never been so excited about that in my entire life. So now I get to FINALLY relax before the huge party tomorrow night for my two dozenth birthday.
Work should be slow. Not much do to and I get to leave at noon. On a side note, but directly related to this post, the party last night was really really fun. It’s nice to hang out with people who really care about the scene and to converse with them…. talk about ideas and thoughts … and how we’re all in it together. It was very unifying…. really motivated me. It was a great night.
I had a fabulous time at dinner with Janice beforehand, and I wish I would have known they were going to have a smorgasboard of free food at this studio, but hey I did get out of there with some free wine and beer in my backpack. WOO.
All in all I give last night a 8.9 out of 10 stars.
Sweeeeet.

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