talking to myself

December 12, 2011

something new

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , — crazygina @ 3:58 pm

I haven’t posted on here in a really long time – there are so many things that have changed and a lot of things that haven’t changed. I read through my previous posts and can obviously sense the unhappiness and angst in the posts… a lot of that is sort of still underlying but I seem to be doing a better job of coping with it. My life hasn’t turned out how I imagined , actually nothing has been working out as I imagined lately…but… I am alright. Having a place to stay, some occasional work, my friends, my boyfriend and my own freedom has been a huge factor in trying to consider the things I am thankful for… and not let myself get into a rut. It is easy to do though. It is easy to get unmotivated and it is easy to feel like nothing is working out… so I just have to be constantly fighting those feelings of wanting to give up. It’s so strange… I never had those feelings before – I was always motivated, always doing something, always busy. I am not really like that anymore. The thought of being super busy makes me tired just thinking about it. I used to love being busy. Maybe I still do? I haven’t been consistently busy in a long time. I have had busy days don’t get me wrong, but never been busy overall. I notice myself saying a lot, “just trying to keep busy”…but I wonder what that actually means?
What if I said, “oh just relaxing, taking it easy”…. I guess the second one definitely has a more positive ring to it. I enjoy being alive, but it is hard to find much happiness in things as if I build myself up and get let down so I don’t build myself up anymore. I overthink… and overthink and overthink. I am having a good day today, except that I am sort of overthinking and just trying to motivate myself. Guess I should get started on something?

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July 1, 2008

it takes me back…

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , , , , — crazygina @ 7:09 pm

You know how there are some things that automatically revert you back into 5 year old mode? No matter how old you are, it always affects you that way?

Yea…. I wish I could control that better. Damn.

Today was decent. I made a silly vow to myself to make July better than May and June. It worked today.  On to tomorrow! WOOO!!

I just think of how much worse everything could be…. ya know… look on the bright side, stay positive…keep smiling, all that crap. It really works. It’s not crap. Smile at some people during the day – I promise it will make you feel better!!!!! If not… you’ll definitely learn something!

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