talking to myself

July 23, 2008

carrots, brussel sprouts and yogurt OH MY!

Okay so I have been going to the gym regularly lately and also trying to watch what I eat. I have been trying really hard to stick to vegetables, fruit, yogurt and salads – but it’s driving me crazy!! I don’t know how many more carrots my body can ingest. I mean, I love carrots, but I feel like I can taste carrots all day long.
I have lost inches, a few pounds and gained a ton of muscle, so I know it’s working. But it’s harder than I thought. I am looking forward to spoiling myself soon and just going all out and eating something crazy. I ate a cookie the other day and it actually hurt my stomache. Very odd. I am really enjoying this self control thing and just seeing how much I can hold myself back and control my impulses/emotions/life. I am usually much more of a push-over, but I can feel a major change this past year. The first 5 months sucked so bad, but now everything seems to be clearing up. I am experiencing things that I have never in my entire life experienced and feeling emotions that I didn’t know exsisted! New emotions mind boggle me, and as soon as that happens I try to instantaeously figure them out (what they do to me) and what brought them on and identify the feeling for future reference. Kind of like a “feeling bank” where I put everything. I am usually very good when I already know a feeling to control it, but when something is new, it completely blindsides me. There have been a lot of new things lately so it’s been interesting to sort through and figure things out.
Ugh my tummy kind of hurts. Maybe all those carrots aren’t such a good idea. Is it possible to overdose on carrots?
Anyway – things are good. Just busy busy busy as usual. This week I have really lost track of time and seeing that it’s wednesday already – I don’t have much time to get things ready for my shows this weekend.
I am still motivated, optimistic and excited for the future. Grounded.

Advertisements

July 4, 2008

can I get a what what?

Filed under: Life, Venting — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , — crazygina @ 12:50 am

Sometimes I feel like I have more control over myself than I know…. and other times I feel like a dumb idiot who has no self control. Alcohol is a bitch. Have one or two and you feel good. Three or four and you start to lose control… five or six and you’re done for.

Some people say when you drink, the “real you” comes out.. the real feelings…. some people say when you drink, the worst of yourself comes out.. or the best. For me…. you never know. It could be good… it could be bad. When it’s good…its great. but when it’s bad… its REALLY bad.

I am just appreciative of everything that I have and every opportunity I have to spend with my friends and have a good time and be happy. These days should be every day. I try to be the best friend I can be, and be there for my friends if they need anything. I do, however, need to work on my self control when in drinking situations. I have such a hard time when I feel really intensely passionate about something to not let it come out in that sense when I have a few drinks. I love life. Apparently I am intimidating? I should just feel things out and work harder on my brain/mouth control. I tend to say things before I think about them – something I do even when I am not drinking.

Anyway — life is good. Tomorrow is another day. Time to get some sleep.

June 30, 2008

self control?

Filed under: random — Tags: , , , — crazygina @ 1:05 am

I always wondered if all the people in the mental institutions really have some kind of physical defect to the balance of their brain or if they just have absolutely no restraint or self control?  I mean, what the hell is science anyway?

Blog at WordPress.com.