talking to myself

November 5, 2008

a motivationist outlook on self created self motivational motivation

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , — crazygina @ 1:57 pm

I don’t know if it exists!!!!

I will get off the computer (by noon) … and clean the litter box, take out all the trash and recyclables…. and put away my stuff I got from my sister and do the few dishes.

I think that putting it out there on paper/the screen helps to make myself do it. Because ya know.. I posted a blog about it, so I have to do it now right? Doesn’t that make it more official or something?

I have been really busy since I got back from the salton sea and I can’t even think of what I have been doing? I feel like the past week and a half have felt like 2 months. I guess that’s good then?

I am going to start doing shows next year at the upstairs I really really hope. I sent out a contract for another shoot the lights out dance party and I am keeping my fingers crossed that it works out. I hope she takes the time to read the whole thing and make it happen for me.  The dance parties are always a blast to put on.

OH yea  – I am going to add sending out applications to my list of things to do today too.

This blog is very not exciting. That’s alright though. It’s more for me I think

July 25, 2008

most of my posts…

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , — crazygina @ 11:05 am

So I was reading through my posts… and I’m realizing that they almost all have some kind of theme to them associated with change. Perhaps that is something that is always on my mind in some way or another. It’s something that my life revolves around.

I started to think about the way I live my life and the amount of change that has occured in my life due to myself wanting to please other people instead of what I want to do… and it always seems like I am unhappy the more that I focus on others needs because I always want to help those who feel like they don’t need help or want help so I get taken advantage of. So….onto more change… more change in the persuit of happiness.
It really doesn’t take much to make me happy. I like to think of myself as a pretty easy to please person. Small things make me happy. I can handle the big stuff on my own much easier – I just need help in between. Anyway – I love change.. that’s probably why I talk about it so much, because I find it so interesting. Not sure if anyone reading this finds it interesting.

On another note – since I started blogging… for some reason – I feel more confident in myself. It’s like – I get on here – put my thoughts out there … and then it’s out. I hold back a lot of myself sometimes worrying that anyone will get to know “the real me” – even though my friends will argue that they all know the real me, and that I am easy to figure out … Maybe I am?! I guess that isn’t really a bad thing.

This weekend should be cool – I am going out to another dance thing with MUST.NOT.DIE and then saturday I have an acoustic show at the java lounge and sunday another show at the upstairs. oh man I wish I actually made money on these shows sometimes.. it’s so much work!! I just keep telling myself to be patient. It has been over 10 years I have been doing shows and I think that finally it may be coming around …. but the music industry is so up and down.
Ah well – KEEP ON KEEPIN ON!!!

July 18, 2008

FUCK!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

I lost my phone. My lifeline. I have a fucking show tonight and no way to contact anyone. No way to find out if my sound guys are gonna show up on time, no way to find out who the opening band is because a band dropped off yesterday….. no way to know if the bands are going to be late. Shit shit shit. Normally I wouldn’t be so worried about losing my phone – but it is a show day. On show days, a phone is important.

FUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

I don’t want to do anything today – I want to go home and lay in my bed and sleep and think about life (maybe go to the gym?). My roommate always knows what to say to me to make me think anyway – he said some things to me this morning again, in the vein of that I am slutty and have no respect for myself or him…and that he shouldn’t care about me if I don’t care about him. We have this crazy brother sister type relationship…. it’s really odd. I understand where he is coming from – and I probably have done slutty things for sure, but I do have respect for myself and for him and his girlfriend. Ah well – I should be telling him this not blogging it. Maybe I should just amend my timesheet and go home. Fuck. I need to wait until 3 when the place I hope my phone is opens, its right by my work….. so I can’t really go home.
Why do I make all these damn flyers and then the fucking bands drop off ??? Okay I am just venting now. Shit.
This is going to be a loooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg day. I’m cold. This building is cold.
I can’t wait for tomorrow so that I can just chill the fuck out. because I have a show sunday too. …

once again.

Fuck.

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