talking to myself

August 12, 2008

I like being busy

Filed under: existence, health, Life, random — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , — crazygina @ 4:36 pm

I know that I like to be busy. I like to have things to do – and feel like I am making some kind of progress. If I don’t… I get depressed and feel meaningless.

Right now – I have a lot to do so it justifies my existence. Then when I say that I need a break – does that mean I can’t handle all the work like I think I can?

It’s just all the shows. I can’t let them overwhelm me. I look at my calendar and when I actually mentally process all the things that I am doing – I get anxious. So I have to just keep going and keep doing it and not think about it.

All the steps are coming together. I can’t believe we got approved for another dance party. I really didn’t think that would happen. That’s pretty freakin cool. So now more things to prepare for. I bought a 12 foot banner to put outside of the venue too – so I am pretty stoked about that. It’s a digitally printed banner… I kind of wanted the vinyl lettering, but digital works – its cheaper… and you’ll still be able to see it from the street and that’s what’s important.

I get to go in and put the lights up tomorrow – I am excited but at the same time nervous about putting something in there that’s somewhat permanent. We have a lot going on though – so I might as well…I have something around 15 shows coming up not including the dance party.

It’s exciting!!!!

I get to record my stairway band on thursday – I can’t believe how fast the whole thing is over … this summer went so fast!

I tried to work myself out yesterday to where I would be sore today – but it didn’t work. I will have to try again today. I did do a decent amount of running – almost 3 miles non-stop… and I didn’t slow down – I guess the crappy part of gaining stamina is that you have to work out harder and longer….

I keep waking up super early and my body is like, okay time to wake up – but I don’t want to so I force myself to go back to sleep and then I wind up being more tired than if I would have just gotten myself up earlier. I think that next time I wake up – I should just get up. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to see if I have more energy during the day….

Alright I’m done.

July 30, 2008

sleeeep

Filed under: Bands, Life, Music — Tags: , , , , , , , , — crazygina @ 1:56 pm

I am falling asleep at my desk.

I had a show last night – the worst show ever at the upstairs – and the most expensive show ever.

The bands, however, said they had an amazing time. Soooo… as long as the bands are happy – I am good. I just wish there would have been people there to see them play.

I partied like crazy yesterday – went to bed around 4am then woke up at 7am for a job interview – then work. The bands might still be at my house. I just want to go home and sleeeeep.

It was nice to see the A Thorn for Every Heart again and I’m looking forward to seeing them the end of august. The Lives of Famous Men were certainly nice chaps as well.

Friday is the huge dance party – the 2nd one we have done….and this time its on a friday so it’s going to be way more off the hook than the last one. And maybe I’ll make back some of the money that I lost on the show last night. AAHHH!!

I did get drunk last night – but I didn’t do anything I regret… so that’s good! I am just so sleepy. Is it better to be a sleepy zombie all day or to go home and sleep?!

July 18, 2008

FUCK!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

I lost my phone. My lifeline. I have a fucking show tonight and no way to contact anyone. No way to find out if my sound guys are gonna show up on time, no way to find out who the opening band is because a band dropped off yesterday….. no way to know if the bands are going to be late. Shit shit shit. Normally I wouldn’t be so worried about losing my phone – but it is a show day. On show days, a phone is important.

FUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

I don’t want to do anything today – I want to go home and lay in my bed and sleep and think about life (maybe go to the gym?). My roommate always knows what to say to me to make me think anyway – he said some things to me this morning again, in the vein of that I am slutty and have no respect for myself or him…and that he shouldn’t care about me if I don’t care about him. We have this crazy brother sister type relationship…. it’s really odd. I understand where he is coming from – and I probably have done slutty things for sure, but I do have respect for myself and for him and his girlfriend. Ah well – I should be telling him this not blogging it. Maybe I should just amend my timesheet and go home. Fuck. I need to wait until 3 when the place I hope my phone is opens, its right by my work….. so I can’t really go home.
Why do I make all these damn flyers and then the fucking bands drop off ??? Okay I am just venting now. Shit.
This is going to be a loooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg day. I’m cold. This building is cold.
I can’t wait for tomorrow so that I can just chill the fuck out. because I have a show sunday too. …

once again.

Fuck.

July 9, 2008

much too much

Filed under: Life, random, Venting — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , — crazygina @ 11:29 pm

I sometimes feel like I am too much for myself sometimes – I can see how I would be that way for someone else.

I have found that most of my really good friends – that have seen me through the worst of it all – still aren’t really that close. They all seem to still be a little distant. Or maybe that’s just me — thinking that they aren’t really what they should be at this point. Does how long you know someone really factor into the depth of the friendship? I go through stages with friends, where I will hang out with a certain group A LOT then not at all – then see them around randomly, then maybe a year later hang out with them again .. is it because there aren’t really people who can hang out with me on a consistent basis for longer than a few months? It’s possible, probably because of my ‘independence’ and anger when I feel like I need someone to lean on – even though I know we all need it. I suppose I shouldn’t take it out on other people…. but that’s probably why I have been “alone” my whole life. Eh.

Maybe I am getting all loopy because I am sweating so much and can’t really sleep since my apartment is a furnace (even at 1030 pm)…. I need to get to bed.. I have to get up early and I have a ton of stuff going on the rest of this week. Just… breathe… okay okay there we go… breathe in.. breathe out… ahhhh

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