talking to myself

April 8, 2013

Overwhelmed

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , — crazygina @ 9:32 am

It’s been a while since i wrote anything on here… Last night I sort of had some very weak moments… I drank too much, I got emotional, I cried a bunch. Now I am at work. My  mind is all over the place and it is hard to focus. I think if I write this out maybe it will help me to get my mind off of last night. I didn’t want to have expectations… I wanted to have a fun night… yet it wasn’t exactly that. I am still trying to figure out what was going on with my emotions and what I was expressing. I felt very vulnerable… while Joe was comforting and sweet – and there for me… something about it.. it just felt different.. My heart didn’t really feel in it… or maybe it was just cause I was drunk. I should have known where it was heading when I started getting anxiety about picking him up… that I was going to get emotional. I should have restrained myself from drinking so much …but can’t change that now. I did like having him around… it just had been so long since we had spent any time together, maybe I felt pathetic. I was over-thinking all day. Now I am probably over-thinking too. I need to focus on work. I wish I didn’t have to be here right now. I don’t feel well. My body is tired and my mind is just all over the place. I still don’t have my car – it has been at the shop since Friday morning. Maybe I will go home at lunch…maybe my car will be ready by lunchtime and I can go pick it up and go home :-\  bleh…I don’t even know. I would love to be able to process whatever these emotions are that I have… I don’t even know what they are right now. 

November 21, 2012

angry

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , — crazygina @ 3:58 pm

I am angry. I am frustrated. I am upset. I am fed up. I am anxious. I am sad. I have lost my patience. 

I need peace, I need guidance, I need help.

I feel overwhelmed and over-used… over something.

Maybe I just need a nap. 

July 30, 2008

sleeeep

Filed under: Bands, Life, Music — Tags: , , , , , , , , — crazygina @ 1:56 pm

I am falling asleep at my desk.

I had a show last night – the worst show ever at the upstairs – and the most expensive show ever.

The bands, however, said they had an amazing time. Soooo… as long as the bands are happy – I am good. I just wish there would have been people there to see them play.

I partied like crazy yesterday – went to bed around 4am then woke up at 7am for a job interview – then work. The bands might still be at my house. I just want to go home and sleeeeep.

It was nice to see the A Thorn for Every Heart again and I’m looking forward to seeing them the end of august. The Lives of Famous Men were certainly nice chaps as well.

Friday is the huge dance party – the 2nd one we have done….and this time its on a friday so it’s going to be way more off the hook than the last one. And maybe I’ll make back some of the money that I lost on the show last night. AAHHH!!

I did get drunk last night – but I didn’t do anything I regret… so that’s good! I am just so sleepy. Is it better to be a sleepy zombie all day or to go home and sleep?!

July 11, 2008

Schmoozin’ and Boozin’

So I went to this “industry” party last night at a record studio. It was fun to get there and do the whole who’s who. To walk around giving everyone the head nod, the “HEY!!!!” and the subtle eye contact. Most people I knew, but there were a few I had the opportunity to meet and network with.
There was an open bar at the studio. Free beer…. free wine… and after everyone had left and it was just me and two of the bands, the owner, and maybe a few stragglers, they busted out the patron. THAT I could have done without.
I went to bed around 4 and woke up at 7. I am at work right now. Reeeeaaalllly loopy. Not sure loopy is the right word for it. HA! I just found out that my plans tonight are cancelled and oh man I have never been so excited about that in my entire life. So now I get to FINALLY relax before the huge party tomorrow night for my two dozenth birthday.
Work should be slow. Not much do to and I get to leave at noon. On a side note, but directly related to this post, the party last night was really really fun. It’s nice to hang out with people who really care about the scene and to converse with them…. talk about ideas and thoughts … and how we’re all in it together. It was very unifying…. really motivated me. It was a great night.
I had a fabulous time at dinner with Janice beforehand, and I wish I would have known they were going to have a smorgasboard of free food at this studio, but hey I did get out of there with some free wine and beer in my backpack. WOO.
All in all I give last night a 8.9 out of 10 stars.
Sweeeeet.

June 28, 2008

progress, change, growth….

Filed under: Life — Tags: , , , , , — crazygina @ 6:35 am

Why is it that some humans choose the path of the quest for knowledge and understanding and others don’t? I was talking to someone today and I told them that I see people as individual brains. Each of which I can learn something from – and about. As they can from me. Everyone brings something to each person that entices you … makes you think something you would have otherwise thought … it’s the human interaction with each other that fuels your progress… individual pursuit is very important as well – but the human part is necessary unless you want to make yourself crazy – which is completely okay in my book.

Soooo…. say you don’t have this desire for knowledge or change or progress? Does your brain stop working? What is going on up there? That’s part of the reason I feel so strongly not to understand necessarily but at least to know, some of the thought processes that others go through in certain situations. Humans are such interesting beings. We are so complex and so completely different from each other but at the same time, the same… it’s so intense. I love it.

I love the sky and the stars…. and all of it’s infinite galaxies, wormholes, black holes and red summer suns. That was kind of off topic but I just thought of it right now and wanted to write it down. Probably because I really wish I could see the stars right now.

I am also really really tired. I am exhausted. I am going to go to sleep.

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